Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I just never thought...

1. Mamiya Super 23 polaroid tribute, 2. Photography, yay!, 3. Contact Sheet, 4. Walgreen's Studio 35 Brand Film, 5. Untitled, 6. Mamiya Super 23 polaroid tribute, 7. Photography, yay!, 8. 3rd time self-develop~ Yeah!!, 9. Walgreen's Studio 35 Brand Film

... Id ever miss developing, processing, and printing in the darkroom the way I do now.

I miss the specific creative energy I found in that calm, dim, quiet, and thought provoking room. There is a certain magic that happens as you wait minutes and more often hours to see the results as you are processing art in a lab or darkroom... and it feels like a slow creative process but it might also be the best... or at least one of the best.
Art has been on my mind so intensely the last couple of days. Recently, with a running mind and sleepless body I have spent hours in my sketchbooks and journals processing how I feel about my art, how my focus has changed over time, how I need it, what it does for me, and how terrified I am of loosing it.
When I decided to take all GE classes this semester to just "get it over with" it looked good on paper and sounded good in my head but the reality is:

it was a terrible idea.

Somehow its planted this little seed of doubt in my mind(which I am aware of and am fighting). I'm finding myself scared that my life will somehow get so busy with other things (like jobs, chores, a household, eventually kids, etc) that I wont have time to create and then I will loose it.

Loose my creativity because I'm not nurturing and exploring.

Which is what has happened lately. There have been so many things that "need to get done" that I don't have the time or energy to create once all the other "stuff" is taken care of. When I'm taking art and photography classes I have to make time to create. I don't have to justify it and I don't feel guilty about creating when there are a million other things I "need to do".

1. a potter's hands, 2. Pottery Greenware, 3. The Studio, 4. Pottery, 5. young potter, 6. Pottery, 7. Dharavi Matka II, 8. bowls, 9. Throwing on the Wheel: Hands and Clay

So, now that I'm in this predicament for the semester it has me thinking about how I will(or want to) balance my need to create and explore artistically. I guess this is part of growing as an artist. I'm just uncomfortable while trying to figuring out a new balance for my inner artist.
I'm feeling a strong pull towards throwing ceramics and exploring with film again. Both have a special place in my heart and both make me feel a certain kind of "grounded-peaceful-ness".
Which I crave. No, I need. So I'm hoping a brilliant artist revelation is in my near future to resolve this whole thing.
(end of ultra hippie-arty-soul-sharing post.)
vanvleck out.


Jenna said...

boy can i relate kate. and being on the side of having kids, its good you are experiencing this now. because sometimes diapers, and meals, and school drop offs and playdates and homework are all more important than creating. its just about making the time. when you are inspired go with it. you'll never let it go. it will change, and grow with you. its always within in you. its who you are. its who god created you to be. its just finding the balance in your life. (hello? did i not ramble on about this in that email? maybe i should listen to my own advice huh?) keep on keeping on soul sista.

Anonymous said...

Well, speaking from my own experience I want you to know that art evolves with the woman. I can tell you that it's really fun to have little hands at the table doing art, sewing, cooking. It's some of my most rewarding moments in my life. You don't have to stop your creativity, it always finds a way into your life. It could be in a Halloween costume for a "little", an awesome Easter brunch menu, or a teacher's gift. During your lifetime you will once again have time to spend hours in a dark room or throw some clay. When you do, your artistic abilities will be off the charts. I think life makes the artist. You are amazing Kate. I see your creativity every time I see you. Just look for yourself! Love, Mom